


Five Times Dee Thought Mac Was Gay (and One Time She Didn't)

by fighterofthenightman



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Canon Gay Character, Gen, Mild Language, Pre-Series, Unrequited Love, Vignette, gendered slurs, references to mental health problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 11:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5706769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fighterofthenightman/pseuds/fighterofthenightman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes Dee almost a year and a half to decide she’s had enough of her brother’s shit and invite Mac and Charlie to Penn in Dennis’s name. </p><p>(Mac and Dennis and Dee through the years. Dee-centric).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Dee Thought Mac Was Gay (and One Time She Didn't)

**1\. Twenty-one**

She runs into Mac one day quite by accident at Logan’s Circle, where she’s come for the traditional coin toss. He’s in the fountain with his back to her, and there’s a horrifying moment when she thinks: _that’s a fine piece of ass_ , but then he turns around and oh shit it’s Mac. The leftover lust dies a painful death the moment he opens his mouth.

“Oh hey Dee”, he says, all buddy-buddy. “What, they let you out already? That’s kinda lax.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Thanks for never checking up on me, asshole.” 

Mac’s only reaction is to splash some water onto her, good-naturedly. The old Dee would get raging mad but the new one only feels one emotion and that emotion is _tired_. Thanks a lot, mental health care, thanks a lot. 

Still, she can’t just let it slide.

“Dennis asked about you”, she says. “Wondered where his best bud was.” 

Mac perks up like an idiot dog. “Oh yeah? What else did he say?”

“Uhh... nothing. He thinks you’re the worst. Later, bozo.” She turns to leave and he almost trips over himself in his rush to get out of the fountain and catch up with her. “Hey Dee! Wait!” 

She smiles the tiniest, smuggest smile, bites it down, turns around. “What.”

“Wanna go grab a beer? I mean, we haven’t seen each other in a while. You know.”

What Dee knows is that it’s all pretext to talk about Dennis some more. She wants to shake Mac by the shoulders and shout: _give up, you stupid asshole! he’ll never love you back! He’ll never love_ anyone _back!_

Instead, she says: “Sure. I know a place.” And, as an afterthought, knowing full well her words will be ignored: “You’re paying.”

**2\. Twenty**

“So do you think Mac might be - oh, I dunno. Gay?”

The twins are lazing around on the college green in an attempt to get a tan - an attempt that, as far as Dee can tell, is completely futile. Still, it’s nice to have an excuse to hang out with Dennis. His presence is familiar, reassuring, in a way nothing at college is. The classes are draining, the people snooty, and Dee’s own dorm feels like a battlefield ever since her roommate started being a creepy copycat. Oh, that bitch! That bitch!

Dee wishes they could talk about something other than Mac or preferably not talk at all, but apparently the “dynamic pair” - or whatever it is they’re calling themselves - have had yet another spat that Dennis is still pissed off about. Something about overbearing phone calls, by the sound of it.

“Mac?” Dennis scoffs. “Don’t be ridiculous, Dee. There’s a certain level of finesse that you need in order to appreciate your own gender, and Mac… Mac simply lacks that finesse. Or any finesse, really. Have you _seen_ his latest tattoo? Because I have. I want the memory of it gone, Dee. Gone from my brain forever.” 

He goes on a tattoo-bashing rant and Dee tunes him out. She tries very hard not to think of the rumors that circulate around the campus, rumors about how easy the Reynolds kid is and how he’ll suck you off once you get him drunk enough. 

“Finesse.” Ha!

**3\. Nineteen**

It takes Dennis almost a year and a half to invite Mac and Charlie to Penn. Correction: it takes Dee almost a year and a half to decide she’s had enough of her brother’s shit and invite Mac and Charlie to Penn in Dennis’s name. 

Dennis fakes indifference but, unlike Dee, he’s never been that good at acting. He spends way more time than usual preening and prancing and doing all the little things he does when he wants to look his best. Being around a giddy Dennis is awkward and annoying, but she shares in his enthusiasm once Mac and Charlie actually get to Penn. The two of them are such losers that she feels smart and worldly by comparison. She’s also missed them quite a bit, maybe.

They do the stupidest (best) things - beer, Wawa, more beer, vodka. They climb into Dennis’s frat through the window. (Mac falls down trying and has to be hoisted up). Charlie pisses on the seated Ben Franklin statue after Dennis tells him it’s tradition. Dee almost gets into a fight with a guy out on the green who gets mad when she pukes on him a little.

They stumble into Dee’s room breathless from laughter (it’s always her room, why is it always her room?) and smoke some pot. Mac and Dennis force Charlie to go on a cookie run and Dee has to come along, to show him the way. They miss the cookie place the first time around and ramble around the campus until they find it, and when they finally come back her brother and his friend are already passed out on Dee’s bed (goddammit!). They’re curled into each other, Mac’s arm slung across Dennis in a way that seems overly proprietary. It’s perfect blackmail material.

Dee lets them be, takes her roommate’s bed instead.

**4\. Eighteen**

Mac asks her to prom. Dee should be spitting in his face instead of replying, but she keeps her cool and says:

“Yeah, Rat, I don’t think so. Why don’t you ask your cigarette of a mother out, how about that?”

She still ends up spending prom night with Mac. Just her luck. Charlie’s there too, of course; they’re in his basement, tiny and gross and smelly like Charlie himself.

The only thing that cheers her up is that Mac also looks depressed. His stupid droopy eyes are droopier than usual, and he’s definitely close to crying. (Dee has cried, already. She went out to the bathroom and she let it all out and broke some stuff and she’s going to be fine, now). Mac must be upset about Dennis “abandoning” him, but Dee doesn’t care. It’s not like anybody ever feels bad for her. She’s not going to be the bigger man or whatever in this situation.

The three of them drink and smoke and eat. Mac takes a single slice of pizza and chews it with an absent-minded sadness that could be mistaken for deep thought. “I’m gonna crash the prom”, he says, rising to his feet. 

Dee hates Mac, of course, but his voice hitches as he speaks and she feels bad for him, just a little.

“Mac”, she says. The room swims before her eyes. “Mac, look. I know how you must feel, but you probably won’t even find Dennis there. He has plans for the night and whatever.”

Does Mac listen? No. He’s out the door like the ass that he is. Dee toasts Charlie and takes Mac’s unfinished pizza slice. Maybe if she eats more she’ll get soberer.

**5\. Seventeen**

“Does she have to come?” Mac is at his most whiny and annoying today and even Dennis seems to think it’s too much.

“Yeah, dude. Just drop it.”

Mac switches tactics and decides to appeal to the direct cause of his hissy fit.

“Dee, this is a movie for men. You don’t even like action stuff. You’ll just ruin everything, and why can’t your boyfriend take you out? Go out, just the two of you, mash your zits together and let! us! have! this! movie!” 

Dee looks over at Dennis, surprised he hasn’t told anyone yet. He gives her the tiniest wink. 

Dee leers at Mac. “Actually”, she says, feeling in control for the first time during the day, “I dumped Brad’s sorry ass. And I’m seeing this stupid movie whether you want it or not, so stop being a whiny bitch.”

Mac huffs out a “Well, I’m not sitting next to you”, and Charlie screams a congratulatory “You dumped Brad?! Up top, Dee!” and tries to high-five her. She ignores his grimy hand. She dumped Zitface Brad; she’s not stooping down to Lice-Machine Charlie.

The movie - well, the movie's not her thing, and she’s almost sorry she insisted on coming along. Dee looks over at the guys to see if anyone else is bored and willing to make fun of whatever the hell is happening on the screen. Dennis is all rapt attention, Charlie, bless him, is slumped in his seat, apparently asleep, and Mac -

Mac’s looking at Dennis, a weird, soft expression on his face, and Dee quickly turns away, her insides cold and twisted. She keeps sneaking glances at Mac throughout the rest of the movie, sees him slowly drift toward Dennis until their shoulders are this close to touching. Their hands, too, lie very close to each other on the armrest and Dee thinks, _oh_.

**+1. Sixteen**

She’ll never admit it out loud but her brother’s new friends are alright - once you get past the smell, and the lice, and the manners. Well. Ronnie the Rat is alright - Dirtgrub is, of course, an abomination, and should have no business walking the halls of St. Joe’s, but Ronnie, Ronnie’s okay. More than okay, maybe. Mildly cute, actually, on the days Dee’s feeling generous.

“Mildly cute” means Dee’s gag reflex doesn’t act up around him. “Mildly cute” means she can have a practice relationship. Get Bill Ponderosa jealous.

Ronnie’s a hopeless idiot, so she has to be the one to make the first move. She’s come up with an entire scheme of how to do it. He comes over to Dennis’s sometimes, so she just needs to get her brother distracted, get McDonald alone. He’s all teenage hormones; the rest should be easy. 

She’s got the territorial advantage, if nothing else. What’s Ronnie gonna do, flee the Reynolds turf?

The first part of the plan goes off seamlessly: she spills some mustard on Dennis’s jacket and tells him it’s Frank. The ensuing shoutfest and washing up should buy her some time.

She comes into Dennis’s room, joins Ronnie where he’s sitting awkwardly on the floor before the TV. He doesn’t even turn his head to look at her. He must be nervous or something.

“Hey”, she says. She wants to sound sexy, but it’s all she can do to suppress the gagging. _Goddammit, reflexes! Please not now!_ She steels herself, croaks out: “You wanna go sit on the bed? It’s nicer”.

He finally acknowledges her presence. “What, Dee - yew, no.”

She tries to scoot closer to him but he moves away. His eyes are wide and uncomprehending. Maybe it’s the excitement; he’s practically thrumming with it. Dee’s thrumming, too. Her insides feel like they are falling from a great height. Dennis will be back soon, and this is her one chance at a romantic life, it’s now or never -

Dee takes a deep breath,

and Dee leans in.

**Author's Note:**

> Dennis wasn't lying about the Ben Franklin statue, y'all.


End file.
